He disabled his match.com account in front of me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
