Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
