Define "chronic" masturbator.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
