I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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