I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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