Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
