I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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