her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
meet me or not, i'm out of control
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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