If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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