she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
