I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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