It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
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