I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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