i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
