it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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