This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We're too hungover to prance.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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