I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize