she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
