I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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