Will you blow on my dice?
he puts the penis in happiness.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
