i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
