I have surprise drugs for everyone
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
