my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ok first of all what the fuck
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
