She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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