It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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