so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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