i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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