I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You smell like stripper and shame
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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