hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
