If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
