I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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