we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
