She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I didn't notice because vodka
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
