I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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