3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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