Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
