Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we're making bets on your personal life
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
