You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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