I puked a lego.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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