There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
