You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize