No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
