So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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