why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
