lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
