You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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