Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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