I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
