Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
