I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
