At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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