I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
