I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize