I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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