There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's Friday. Sex?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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