doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sobbing to NWA
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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