no, he came in my armpit
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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