She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
