she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
