saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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