if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
