ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
