My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
