He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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