do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize