I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
