My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
