I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
