i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
