Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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